It's an exciting Thursday night in apartment 5 y'all. I ate a burrito earlier that was arguably bigger than my face, watched an episode of Chicago P.D., and I have only moved off of the couch once to go to the bathroom the past 2 and half hours. No shame in my game. Ok, maybe a little shame. But everyone deserves a lazy night and tonight is mine. The week is almost over, and I am so excited to say that I just ordered my cap, gown, and tassel for graduation (actually kinda salty about how expensive it was to only wear it once). There are only 37 days until I'm done with college!!! That light at the end of the tunnel that everyone keeps talking about... well I think I can finally see it. Just barely. It's still crowded by a few lingering group projects, papers, and final exams.
Ok, honesty hour. Basically I'm really bad at being the consistent writer that I really wish I was, but I have had this journal the past couple years that I'll write thoughts in randomly and the other night I decided to look through it. This is what I found and what I want to share with you guys:
"My mind is constantly racing. I have always felt the need to figure out why I feel a certain way or why someone isn't a part of my life any longer or why it's so easy to fall back into the same pit of sin. I'm the type of person that has to have reasons and explanations for why things happen the way that they do in life. But the reality of it is that you're not always provided with answers to your questions. Some things will never actually be explained and reasons will never be given. In those instances you must trust God blindly that He knows what is best for your life, and that's the only explanation you need."
I wish I could say that this is a quote that I made up myself, but I think it was on pinterest or something. Although when I came across it I instantly thought
wow, if this isn't me to a T. I don't know if anyone else is an "I need answers" person, but I know I am. I like reasons in paragraph form, with 12-point Times New Roman font, double spaced... Just kidding. But in all honesty, sometimes I secretly feel like a little kid in my mind because I constantly ask
why, why, why? Why did this person have to go through this terrible tragedy? Why does someone I love have to go through so much hurt and pain? Why do bad things happen to really, really good, kind people? Why are there precious little babies living without moms and dads? Here's the thing... Ultimately any time we feel the urge to ask God why He has let something happen to you or someone you love and care about, it's really a chance for us to fully surrender any doubt or questions we have and put our trust wholly in Him that He knows what He is doing. It's really a simple thought to grasp a hold of. God is trying to help us to realize that we don't have to bear all the "why's" in life. But instead we have this constant reassurance in
Isaiah 55:9 that His ways are higher than our ways and His thoughts are higher than our thoughts. It's something I am trying to reconfigure my brain into thinking after years of asking
why. And honestly I'm not sure if it's something I'll ever be able to master in my humanness. We just have to get real and admit that sometimes (a lot of times actually) we don’t understand life, and we’ll probably never grasp all the reasons bad things happen, but what we do know for certain is that God
is in control, He
loves us more than we could ever understand, and He truly wants the
best for His children... There's no question about that.
xoxo LS
